Grief and What's Come After That

Photo by British Library on Unsplash

It's been almost two years since what happened at the end of 2022—the passing of my beloved father, a moment I still remember vividly. Although it’s not as painful as it was that day, my heart still aches every time I think of him. I often wonder, are there any tips to ease this pain? I’m still struggling to handle it. Every corner of my home still triggers memories, and the "what ifs" linger in my mind, trying to make sense of his passing. Even writing this is very hard for me, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to press the publish button. Maybe, just maybe, this post will help someone else going through grief.

A few weeks after his passing, I started questioning life. I needed to understand this dark place I found myself in. I cried a lot, but the curiosity about the cycle of life kept lingering in my mind. I began researching this dark feeling, and now I know it's called grief. According to the American Psychological Association:

Grief is the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief often includes physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future. Intense grief can become life-threatening through disruption of the immune system, self-neglect, and suicidal thoughts. Grief may also take the form of regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself.

From the Healthline I learned about the 5 Stages of Grief which are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Through all of that, I now understand where my never-ending sadness comes from. I keep feeling tired for no reason, avoiding things that feel mentally heavy, and experiencing constant mood swings. It’s been a difficult place for me emotionally. Then the next question in my mind was, What comes after this? How do I navigate through it all? Why were the stages of my grief different? 

Grief is not a linear journey; it’s deeply personal and varies greatly from person to person. What I’ve come to realize is that the “5 Stages of Grief” are not strict rules but a framework to help us understand the emotional turbulence that comes with loss. For me, the stages weren’t neatly packaged or in order. They came and went like waves, often overlapping or returning when I least expected them. And that’s okay. Grief has its own rhythm for everyone.

In my case, acceptance came first, almost as a way to shield myself from the overwhelming pain. I told myself, “This is life; this is the cycle.” But that didn’t mean I was fine. Bargaining crept in next—what could I have done differently? Could I have spent more time with him? Then depression came crashing in, pulling me into a darkness I couldn’t escape. Denial and anger followed, leaving me questioning why this had to happen and struggling to accept the reality I thought I’d already come to terms with.

One important thing I’ve learned is that grief isn’t something to “fix” or “get over.” It’s something we learn to live with, and it often teaches us profound lessons about love and connection. For anyone else navigating this difficult path, here are a few tips that have helped me, even if just a little:

1. Let Yourself Feel

It’s tempting to suppress the pain, but allowing yourself to feel your emotions is crucial. Cry if you need to. Scream into a pillow. Write about your feelings, even if it’s messy. Grief demands to be felt, and bottling it up only prolongs the healing process. I like to make messy doodles in my journal, just getting out all the emotional feelings. 

2. Seek Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Talking to trusted friends or family members can be incredibly therapeutic. If you find it too difficult to share with loved ones, consider joining a support group or seeking professional counseling. There’s strength in asking for help. My option was downloading an app that helped with grieving. It gives me a place to get more information on how to dwell with my up-and-down mood.

3. Create a Ritual of Remembrance

Honoring your loved one can bring comfort. For me, I’ve started watching movies every year on my father’s birthday because one of his favorite hobbies was going to the cinema, and I set aside time to reflect on happy memories. Whether it’s planting a tree, visiting a special place, or keeping a journal of your thoughts about them, these acts can keep their memory alive in a positive way.

4. Be Patient with Yourself

Healing isn’t a race. Some days will feel easier, while others may feel like you’re starting all over again. That’s normal. Allow yourself to move at your own pace without judgment.

5. Focus on Self-Care

Grief can take a toll on your body and mind. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and gentle movement. Even small acts of self-care, like taking a walk or drinking a cup of tea, can help ground you when the emotions feel overwhelming. Also, for me, the nature grounding method really helps to relax and refocus on myself.

6. Find Meaning in the Loss

This doesn’t mean minimizing the pain, but over time, you may find ways to honor their legacy. For me, writing about my journey has been a small way of keeping my father’s memory alive while helping others who might be struggling too.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. It’s a testament to how deeply we cared for someone and the void they left behind. The pain may never fully go away, but I’ve learned that it can coexist with joy, growth, and life moving forward.

To anyone reading this who feels stuck in their grief, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel lost and uncertain. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry the love you shared in a new way. Let's be strong together; we can do it :)

And to my Father: Thank you for everything. Your love will always be a part of me, shaping who I am and who I continue to become. I miss you every day, but I carry your light with me. Always. ❤️

How are you coping with grief?

Let me know in the comment.